I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
