hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Randomize
