When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
