i was rollin on her like bob the builder
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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