I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
