i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
