bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
