He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
