These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
