A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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