what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
