..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
