My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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