Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Randomize
