Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
