Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
