Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
