i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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