How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
you traded sex for a burrito?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
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