mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
it was like eating out sand paper
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
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