This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
