The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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