we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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