i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
