Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
