butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
