Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
