Pappa wants mamma naked
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
