Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
