i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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