Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize
