I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
