dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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