Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
only if we run a train.
done.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
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The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
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This is my life. Enjoy the view
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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