booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
