Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
