Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
