I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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