I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
zippers are such a cool invention
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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