wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
