at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
