ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
