um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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