Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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