i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Randomize
