Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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