I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
This baby is an asshole
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
