Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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