Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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