How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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