are you still at the devil's house?
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
only you would photoshop your dick
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
