im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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