yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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