my sisters under your porch take her home
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
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