that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
