glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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