Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
