Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm getting married
To pizza
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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