You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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