You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
