watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
