Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
