i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
