That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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