I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
