I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
We talked him into tasing himself.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
