True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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