You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
