then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
