U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
