If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Everything about him screamed your future.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
