Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
