that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
