I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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