I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
She bit a glass in half.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
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