a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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