I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
