I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
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just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
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Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
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