I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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